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Dictionary of Whimsy

Dictionary of Whimsy: Asymmetric Affection Situation

Asymmetric Affection Situation, noan

  1. Situation where one person likes another person romantically, but where the other person only likes them as a friend, thinks that they are a bit of a dick, or does not know that they exist.
  2. Situation where two people are in a relationship, and one person is feeling that the other is a soulmate person that they want to marry, while the other person is plotting ways of breaking up, or feels meh about the other person.

Synonyms:

  • Friendzoned
  • Éponine situation:

Please note that Éponine, while a famous, postergirl for this status, is probably the worst role model for dealing with these situations that you are ever likely to see. She sacrifices herself for the man she loves. In the book, she tries to get him killed because if she can’t have him, no one should. While I empathise with her, I don’t think she is a role model. She is a tad creepy.

If you suspect that you may be in an Asymmetric Affection Situation, it is best to confirm it by asking the object of your affection and/or talking to your partner. Getting information as soon as possible is important, because that means you can do something about it.

Asymmetric Affection Situations are nice because having a crush can be fun, and give many warm fuzzies and/or distractions from crap things in life. For me personally, these situations crop up the most when I am sad in other parts of my life, and need a distraction. Such distractions can be fun, but they achieve nothing, so their time needs to be limited. They suck because there is no chance of anything happening, and putting emotional energy into dead end streets does not get you anywhere.

The Asymmetric Affection Situation is saddest when it is from a long relationship, and one partner is ready to do the marriage dance while another is ready to leave. Either way, we have limited time on this earth, and Asymmetric Affection Situations, while potentially enjoyable, rob us of putting effort into profitable pastimes.

 

 

 

Dictionary of Whimsy: Pressuredox

Pressuredox, noan

1. Situation in which one person wants something from another, and they put so much pressure on the other person to provide it that they guarantee that they will not receive it.

2. Situation in which a person (usually a male person) is so desperate to have intercourse that he pressures another person (usually a female) into intercourse, and completely ruins probability of intercourse with that person, and all of the people she cares to tell. In many cases, the person was disposed to intercourse at some point, but is completely put off due to the pressure.

Dictionary of Whimsy: Wummer

Wummer, noan

(1) Wellington Summer*

(2) Weather in Wellington that is fine with little winds or light winds, little cloud or no cloud, and a temperature over 15 degrees celsius. This weather normally lasts for a few days, but may only last for a few hours, or even sometimes last for a week or two. During this weather pattern, people have been known to wear sunhats, and sunscreen and short skirts. Generally, this weather pattern encourages Wellingtonians to congregate on the waterfront and eat ice cream.

(3) Weather that goes from fine and sunny to cold, windy in wet in a short amount of time during December, January and February. Technically, these months are summer, but in reality, they may consist of weather from any season, and may completely be dominated by cloud, mists and rain.

* These two words are potentially an oxymoron

Failtogol

Failtogol, noan

1. Situation where you walk away from attempting to do something that you want to do and you make a goal to do that thing as a result.

2. Situation during a workout where it is simply not possible to do what you want to do. Your muscles* just say no**, and you become determined to do it next time, or sometime***.

3. Process of turning failures, or inability to do things, into a positive striving sentiment.

* Usually glutes

** turn into jelly and fall into a puddle on the floor

*** well maybe next year…

Dictionary of Whimsy: Funzies

Funzies, adjective

1. Situation where something has to be done that is annoying, frustrating, emotionally draining or darn annoying, and where an individual knows this before having to do the something. Therefore, they say this word to take the sting away from the activity, and make it seem more fun*.

2. Sarcastic word for any activity that is not enjoyable to the individual, which attempts to show enjoyment.

3. Word for ‘grin and bear it’ or ‘smile and think of England**’

4. Verbal fake smile

5. Word uttered about an unenjoyable activity to show grit and determination around making the best of said activity. In this context, a fake smile and delighted shrek are needed for maximum impact.

* This seldom works

**This is what Queen Victoria advised her daughter regarding sexual activities with her husband, a German prince.

Dictionary of Whimsy: DanceClick

Danceclick,

(1) A situation when a dance just *works*. The lead gets what the follow is doing – the follower follows what the lead is doing. It works well with the music, and the dance feels like pure joy for one or both parties. It is plausible that it looks good as well – but this is not completely necessary.

(2) A reason why I dance. They do not happen all the time, but when they do, I talk about them for weeks afterwards – or months afterwards.

(3) A situation when two individuals dance with each other for the first time and it is easy fun straight away. The reverse of this situation is when a two individuals take a while to learn to dance together well.

Notes:

(1) Danceclicks can be mutual or one sided

(2) One contributor to danceclicks (both mutual and one sided) can be physical or sexual attraction, but this is optional

(3) To maximise danceclicks, the key is a good attitude towards the people and music that the dance is with

(4) Danceclicks can happen in social circle dancing situations as well

(5) Danceclicks can happen between the individual and their music in the privacy of their own room, at least they can for this blogger.

Dictionary of Whimsy: Umbrellable

Umbrellable, adjective

(1) Rain that can co-exist with umbrellas

(2) Rain without wind

(3) Rain that can fall without destruction of umbrellas or need to move umbrellas around to prevent umbrella destruction

(4) Rain in cities that have umbrella stands in the front of the shop*

Antonym:

Unumbrellable, adjective

(1) Rain that can remove umbrellas from hands of unsuspecting** umbrella holders with force

(2) Rain that twists umbrellas into configurations which are useful for art installations but utterly useless for preventing umbrella holders from getting rain on them

(3) Horizontal or angled rain, which will reach all people on the ground regardless of whether they are using an umbrella, rendering umbrellas absolutely useless, even when they are fancy ones that will not be broken by wind storms***.

*As a Wellingtonian, I think that this is quite adorable

** To be fair, these umbrella holders should be suspecting. Indeed, they should be well aware of that their umbrellas are in peril. This is especially true when they live in Wellington.

*** Do those actually work?

Dictionary of Whimsy: Freezzled

Freezzled, verb

(1) To be cold to the point of a suboptimal headspace – or to be in the process of getting to this suboptimal headspace

(2) To be cold, and needing to put myriads of extra clothes on, only to find the ability to put extra clothes on is compromised by shivering, swearing, and putting gloves on before buttoning up warmifying clothes (thus needing to take gloves off, and coldify hands)

(3) Contraction of freezing and frazzled.

(4) To feel anger at cars (driving past and splashing you with rain water), annoyance at weather announcers, a need to ingest chillis and other thoughts that are only rational when one is cold

Dictionary of Whimsy: Fridge Tetris

Fridge Tetris, verb

Act of attempting to fit all things that need to be refrigerated in all the available refrigerator space. This will often involve rearrangement of items, taking out things that smell funny, working out whether bottles can be stacked on their sides without spilling them, figuring out whether things can be stacked on top of each other without tumbling down* and generally hoping that all the things will fit.

Causes can include:

  • Organisation of house-parties, which can include the necessity to store many bottles and various foods (that will end up getting stacked on their sides)
  • Large numbers of people sharing a disproportionately small fridge
  • People you are living with who acquire** lots of things which they keep in the fridge but do not (always) use them

*this is dangerous

** acquisition of things can be through buying, and through diving into dumpsters (which can have a negative impact on fridge smell)

 

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