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Dictionary of Whimsy: Asymmetric Affection Situation

Asymmetric Affection Situation, noan

  1. Situation where one person likes another person romantically, but where the other person only likes them as a friend, thinks that they are a bit of a dick, or does not know that they exist.
  2. Situation where two people are in a relationship, and one person is feeling that the other is a soulmate person that they want to marry, while the other person is plotting ways of breaking up, or feels meh about the other person.

Synonyms:

  • Friendzoned
  • Éponine situation:

Please note that Éponine, while a famous, postergirl for this status, is probably the worst role model for dealing with these situations that you are ever likely to see. She sacrifices herself for the man she loves. In the book, she tries to get him killed because if she can’t have him, no one should. While I empathise with her, I don’t think she is a role model. She is a tad creepy.

If you suspect that you may be in an Asymmetric Affection Situation, it is best to confirm it by asking the object of your affection and/or talking to your partner. Getting information as soon as possible is important, because that means you can do something about it.

Asymmetric Affection Situations are nice because having a crush can be fun, and give many warm fuzzies and/or distractions from crap things in life. For me personally, these situations crop up the most when I am sad in other parts of my life, and need a distraction. Such distractions can be fun, but they achieve nothing, so their time needs to be limited. They suck because there is no chance of anything happening, and putting emotional energy into dead end streets does not get you anywhere.

The Asymmetric Affection Situation is saddest when it is from a long relationship, and one partner is ready to do the marriage dance while another is ready to leave. Either way, we have limited time on this earth, and Asymmetric Affection Situations, while potentially enjoyable, rob us of putting effort into profitable pastimes.

 

 

 

Dictionary of Whimsy: Pressuredox

Pressuredox, noan

1. Situation in which one person wants something from another, and they put so much pressure on the other person to provide it that they guarantee that they will not receive it.

2. Situation in which a person (usually a male person) is so desperate to have intercourse that he pressures another person (usually a female) into intercourse, and completely ruins probability of intercourse with that person, and all of the people she cares to tell. In many cases, the person was disposed to intercourse at some point, but is completely put off due to the pressure.

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

I once dated a boy who I will call Pascall for the purposes of this blog. The main problem was that I did not fancy him. But he was perfect on paper, so I tried very hard to fancy him. Not fancying him meant that we broke up, and then got together. I said things I did not mean. I hurt him badly.

It was never my intention to hurt him.  I intended to make myself fancy him more. I intended to make him happy. But these good intentions were not even close to enough.

They do not change the fact that I hurt him. They do not change the fact that I said stuff I did not mean. I lied to him. In that particular interaction, I was on the way to hell.

Why?

They hurt a person. They ruined a friendship. The outcome was rather shit.

Why was that the case?

Well, intentions are only a part of what we do. When intentions are not accompanied by the appropriate knowledge and resources, they can do more harm than good. In fact, good intentions can convince people that they have knowledge, skills and abilities to do things that they are not capable of doing.

Wayan Rosie left a family homeless.  He had good intentions, but the outcome was worse that square 1. Instead of the family living in a hovel, they ended up homeless, having to live with their neighbours instead in their own home.

This is an obvious one. With interpersonal interactions, the hell that good intentions can create are never this obvious. People are complicated. They have sides that they will not tell you about, or that they are not even aware of. If you do not have the full information, you can burn bridges with a single misjudged wisecrack or hurt others a great deal.

I know that this is what I did with poor Pascall. I did not know that I could not make myself fancy people. I was not aware of relationship dynamics. He was my first proper boyfriend, and I was pretty rubbish at knowing what my feelings or his were. I was about as well qualified to have a relationship with him as Wayan Rosie was qualified to build a house.

And you know, it is not my fault that he liked me a lot. But I did have some responsibility for the things that I did to make this situation worse. I was missing knowledge about myself, Pascall* and relationships which made my good intentions into slides into an emotional hell for poor Pascall.

It has been done to me as well. I dated a boy who tried to improve my posture by calling me an old lady every time I saw him. That is the wrong way to motivate someone. They will try to live up to your expectations, in my case trying to imitate an old lady. This guy did not have the skill set to motivate me. Fortunately, others did (myself included).

Yet good intentions are not all bad. Without good intentions, medals do not get won, stuff does not get invented, and things do not happen. So good intentions do not have to be a road to hell, so we don’t want to throw good intentions away completely. So how can a person go around with good intentions avoid the lucifer highway?

  • Increase your own knowledge or yourself – this is a BIG one. You need to know what you can do, and what you are good at. Delusions of grandeur can make hot messes. Related: Dunning Kruger Syndrome. I could have avoided hurting Pascall if I had known more about myself.
  • Cultivate and develop empathy for other people. Work out what makes them tick. That way, your good intentions are less likely to hurt them. Anything you try and do in life will be better if you can connect with people.
  • Back up your good intentions with ACTIONS. I may intend to write a great epic , but it amounts to nothing if I don’t do anything. The key to this is making goals and having a plan. There are many webpages about how to come up with these.
  • Learn from instances where you mess up badly, despite intentions not to. Make changes to your habits that mean that you don’t do it again.

Good intentions are awesome, and they can be the start of many positive things, but they can also pave the way to hell for yourself and others. Knowing yourself, learning to empathise with others, backing up intentions from actions and learning from mistakes mean less hell from good intentions.

*Pascall is married now, but not to me.

Dictionary of Whimsy: Wummer

Wummer, noan

(1) Wellington Summer*

(2) Weather in Wellington that is fine with little winds or light winds, little cloud or no cloud, and a temperature over 15 degrees celsius. This weather normally lasts for a few days, but may only last for a few hours, or even sometimes last for a week or two. During this weather pattern, people have been known to wear sunhats, and sunscreen and short skirts. Generally, this weather pattern encourages Wellingtonians to congregate on the waterfront and eat ice cream.

(3) Weather that goes from fine and sunny to cold, windy in wet in a short amount of time during December, January and February. Technically, these months are summer, but in reality, they may consist of weather from any season, and may completely be dominated by cloud, mists and rain.

* These two words are potentially an oxymoron

Failtogol

Failtogol, noan

1. Situation where you walk away from attempting to do something that you want to do and you make a goal to do that thing as a result.

2. Situation during a workout where it is simply not possible to do what you want to do. Your muscles* just say no**, and you become determined to do it next time, or sometime***.

3. Process of turning failures, or inability to do things, into a positive striving sentiment.

* Usually glutes

** turn into jelly and fall into a puddle on the floor

*** well maybe next year…

Dictionary of Whimsy: Funzies

Funzies, adjective

1. Situation where something has to be done that is annoying, frustrating, emotionally draining or darn annoying, and where an individual knows this before having to do the something. Therefore, they say this word to take the sting away from the activity, and make it seem more fun*.

2. Sarcastic word for any activity that is not enjoyable to the individual, which attempts to show enjoyment.

3. Word for ‘grin and bear it’ or ‘smile and think of England**’

4. Verbal fake smile

5. Word uttered about an unenjoyable activity to show grit and determination around making the best of said activity. In this context, a fake smile and delighted shrek are needed for maximum impact.

* This seldom works

**This is what Queen Victoria advised her daughter regarding sexual activities with her husband, a German prince.

Hearts filled with love, not anger

“The heart is like a box; if it is filled with rubbish, there is no space for other things. I could not love (my husband) Rodrigo and his daughter if my heart was choked with bitterness.”

Inez of my Soul by Isabel Allende, p.261

In this book, Inez is learning to deal with her lover of eight years dumping her to save his own skin. It is a blow from which she recovers, and she lives a long and wonderful life afterwards with her husband and his daughter.

I like this quote because it inspires me to get rid of the annoyed feelings that I have for some people in my past. When I think those feelings, I remind myself my heart is reserved for thoughts of those I love. My friends,  and my family, and wonderful moments in my life when I listen to music I love, and dance like a lady possessed (by the music of course!!).

Dictionary of Whimsy: DanceClick

Danceclick,

(1) A situation when a dance just *works*. The lead gets what the follow is doing – the follower follows what the lead is doing. It works well with the music, and the dance feels like pure joy for one or both parties. It is plausible that it looks good as well – but this is not completely necessary.

(2) A reason why I dance. They do not happen all the time, but when they do, I talk about them for weeks afterwards – or months afterwards.

(3) A situation when two individuals dance with each other for the first time and it is easy fun straight away. The reverse of this situation is when a two individuals take a while to learn to dance together well.

Notes:

(1) Danceclicks can be mutual or one sided

(2) One contributor to danceclicks (both mutual and one sided) can be physical or sexual attraction, but this is optional

(3) To maximise danceclicks, the key is a good attitude towards the people and music that the dance is with

(4) Danceclicks can happen in social circle dancing situations as well

(5) Danceclicks can happen between the individual and their music in the privacy of their own room, at least they can for this blogger.

Dictionary of Whimsy: Umbrellable

Umbrellable, adjective

(1) Rain that can co-exist with umbrellas

(2) Rain without wind

(3) Rain that can fall without destruction of umbrellas or need to move umbrellas around to prevent umbrella destruction

(4) Rain in cities that have umbrella stands in the front of the shop*

Antonym:

Unumbrellable, adjective

(1) Rain that can remove umbrellas from hands of unsuspecting** umbrella holders with force

(2) Rain that twists umbrellas into configurations which are useful for art installations but utterly useless for preventing umbrella holders from getting rain on them

(3) Horizontal or angled rain, which will reach all people on the ground regardless of whether they are using an umbrella, rendering umbrellas absolutely useless, even when they are fancy ones that will not be broken by wind storms***.

*As a Wellingtonian, I think that this is quite adorable

** To be fair, these umbrella holders should be suspecting. Indeed, they should be well aware of that their umbrellas are in peril. This is especially true when they live in Wellington.

*** Do those actually work?

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