February 2016

Dictionary of Whimsy: Asymmetric Affection Situation

Asymmetric Affection Situation, noan

  1. Situation where one person likes another person romantically, but where the other person only likes them as a friend, thinks that they are a bit of a dick, or does not know that they exist.
  2. Situation where two people are in a relationship, and one person is feeling that the other is a soulmate person that they want to marry, while the other person is plotting ways of breaking up, or feels meh about the other person.


  • Friendzoned
  • Éponine situation:

Please note that Éponine, while a famous, postergirl for this status, is probably the worst role model for dealing with these situations that you are ever likely to see. She sacrifices herself for the man she loves. In the book, she tries to get him killed because if she can’t have him, no one should. While I empathise with her, I don’t think she is a role model. She is a tad creepy.

If you suspect that you may be in an Asymmetric Affection Situation, it is best to confirm it by asking the object of your affection and/or talking to your partner. Getting information as soon as possible is important, because that means you can do something about it.

Asymmetric Affection Situations are nice because having a crush can be fun, and give many warm fuzzies and/or distractions from crap things in life. For me personally, these situations crop up the most when I am sad in other parts of my life, and need a distraction. Such distractions can be fun, but they achieve nothing, so their time needs to be limited. They suck because there is no chance of anything happening, and putting emotional energy into dead end streets does not get you anywhere.

The Asymmetric Affection Situation is saddest when it is from a long relationship, and one partner is ready to do the marriage dance while another is ready to leave. Either way, we have limited time on this earth, and Asymmetric Affection Situations, while potentially enjoyable, rob us of putting effort into profitable pastimes.




Dictionary of Whimsy: Pressuredox

Pressuredox, noan

1. Situation in which one person wants something from another, and they put so much pressure on the other person to provide it that they guarantee that they will not receive it.

2. Situation in which a person (usually a male person) is so desperate to have intercourse that he pressures another person (usually a female) into intercourse, and completely ruins probability of intercourse with that person, and all of the people she cares to tell. In many cases, the person was disposed to intercourse at some point, but is completely put off due to the pressure.

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