Chronic pain makes me grumpy
I am only now beginning to realise the impact that chronic pain has on my mood. Pain is always there, so it is my version of normal. It is a bit of liquid in the glass meaning that the glass is more likely to overflow when more water liquid is poured into it. I would notice if it came and went, but it is there all the time, so I don’t. I would be less grumpy if I did not have chronic pain; I am certain of this.
For me, it is worst when:
– I am stressed
– I do not get time to do lots of moving
– it is cold
– I am suffering from a fever
– I have not eaten enough
– I have just woken up
My pain, my responsibility
Ultimately, this pain is my problem, and no one else’s, so I try not to get grumpy with others when it strikes. This can prove difficult. I got very grumpy with a guy I dated last year. His inability to respect me or treat me as an equal played into this, but the pain did make me blow up at him far more that I should have in ways that I am not proud of. I will do better next time.
There are things I can do to reduce the pain as well, and I need to keep doing some and get better at doing others.
In terms of attitude, I try very hard to be positive, but this is not my default setting when my muscles feel like hot acid is pulsing through them, or even in general. But when I see the world as a better place, things are less painful.
How I deal – general stuff
In terms of all points but the last, when my schedule allows, I usually isolate myself from most people until I am less grumpy. I do not like spreading the grumpies. My mind is harsh and judgemental at times, and when I am grumpy, the part that filters harsh judgemental thoughts stops working. My ability to deal with negative or toxic people also collapses, so I try to keep away from them as much as possible.
Cures for the temporary grumpies which work for me are listed below, but everyone will have different triggers and different cures:
– Spending time with people who I love, and who can deal with me when I have the grumpies. I love these people more than I can say.
– Chatting people online who answer to the above description.
– Moving, which often involves dancing to obnoxious popular music in my own bedroom.
– Forcing myself to go out and do stuff. This needs to be carefully calculated stuff *
– Eating lollies (yes, I know this is bad)
– Big fake smiles (Pavlov is a thing!)
The short of it
Managing this condition is my responsibility. A huge part of it is self-awareness, especially learning what makes things worse and limiting them as much as possible. In the end, this will not kill me, and it does not stop me from doing things I enjoy. I am lucky in that, so I keep doing the things I enjoy, and the stuff the professionals tell me to do. It works pretty slowly, but it is working a little. I will get there.